What the heck are you doing with those peas, Mortimer?

Um, splitting them one at a time to make split pea soup, duh! Man, I've got a new found respect for chefs! This cooking stuff takes FOREVER!

But that's not how... You know what? Never mind. This'll be fun to watch.

So, wait. Should I halve them or quarter them?

Actually, for best results, I think you want to cut them into eights.