Man, I need to upgrade my cell phone.

Pshh, your phone is perfectly fine! Why would you want to upgrade? I've used my clam shell-style flip phone for 15 years.

Well, yes, I shouldn't feel the pressure to pay a lot of money just to feel current and-WAIT A MINUTE. Your phone is just a clamshell with numbers painted on it in blue Sharpie.

Yeah, and I've never gone over my minutes!