Tired of "Rocktober"? Then take my hand and join me for "Hocktober"! I'll celebrate the season with visits to 31 pawnshops in 31 days!

That sounds really depressing. Why would you want to do that?

It'll be fun! Kitschy! Ironic!

Also, I made some really bad spending decisions over the last few months. Ol' Mortimer's gotta try to get his hands on a little cash.