Before you even ask, Monte - yes, you are reading that framed certificate correctly.

You were the "poet of the month" in fifth grade?

Uh-huh. My mom found it in her attic and mailed it to me. But listen, I don't want this to affect our friendship. Just because I'm an award-winning author doesn't mean that I expect some additional respect. I just want to be treated like a normal guy, you know?

How modest of you.

Do you think "Mortimer, Laureate" would fit on my business card?