Check it out, Monte! It's my offical Mortimer App for phones! Here, give it a shot.

You have your own vanity app now? What's it... It's not doing anything.

EXACTLY! You have to pay money to make it work and, even then, getting it to do anything useful is a total crap shoot!

So, it's just like you, only portable. It's so stupid, it may actually be genius.

My developers are working on a "Who's Got the Best Lunch to Steal" add-on, too. I'm going to be so RICH.